Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder :)

I'm not as crazy as I may sound. I have good reason to fear a C-Section. First of all, it's in my blood to become a Rx/drug abuser and a C-Section requires pain meds. (I never even fill my meds after delivery because I'm so scared of becoming dependent-once I had a few doses of Tylenol3 because of a blinding headache at the hospital when I was severely dehydrated after delivery but I didn't have any medicines stronger than the normal Tylenol at home. I'm even allergic to Ibuprofen so that never stays at my house either) Which is also a very strong reason why I love the essential oils so much. No dependency risks.

Second, I have a horrifying memory of when Jace and Trevor were born via C-Section. Skipping too many of the details, I remember going to clogging one day while my mom was still in the hospital, (she was there a LONG time) getting told "I didn't think you'd be here today." I said why and the dork said, "well, cuz I heard your mom died this morning!" I FREAKED OUT, ran next door to my dads photo shop, and my grandma called out to UVRMC (she was sent to Provo after it got too bad for the locals) to have me talk to her to prove to me that she didn't die but she was hooked up to so many machines and tubes that she couldn't talk-it just sounded like Darth Vader breathing into the phone so my aunt got on to comfort me and tell me that she really was alive and sitting right next to her. Well, how could I be sure? I didn't get to hear her tell me that. I was too young to go into ICU so it wasn't like it would benefit me to go out with my dad to see her...it was a mess.

I dread not being home for Christmas- my mom was smart enough to have Christmas completely ready before she even had the twins so it could have been alot worse but it still was horrible not having her home for the holidays.

I remember her lying on the couch when she finally came home the first time, too weak to move, and I'd get home from school and go up to her and make sure she was still breathing...that the IV's were still dripping right...she was never even left alone though, my grandmas were always there-the Relief Society took turns rocking babies-home health nurses constantly-I was just so scared. Then one night she got rushed away again. The staff infection was so close to her heart. And we're motherless again. Yeah, my gma lived right down the street so it was easy enough to adjust. We had the same bus driver. The same neighborhood friends-but I needed my mom.

I'm drama, I know. But I'm a little nervous about a C-Section.


Grandma Joy said...

Kyndi, sweet girl that you are!! I realize your worries about a c section, I think that any of us that were a part of that with your mom will forever worry, but there are so many things that are different now and you have a VERY good Doctor, and we are all praying for that little feller to flip over, and if you can find it in you, try to relax a wee bit to let him do it!!!!

Shaylah said...

I love you Kyndi. You know, every time I think about anyone having a c-section I think back on those times too, but it's amazing to me how we both remember different things. Well, truth be told, your amazing memory probably remembers it all, while my mind has forced most of those details out.

The Oylers said...

Hey having a c-section is scary...but I have 3 and they have all gone so well...just so you know...but still hoping that baby turns...good luck.