Sunday, February 21, 2010

My latest wake up call(s)

I'm thinking this is going to be more of an updated New Year's Resolution post since it's only February 21st and I have FAILED at all previosly attempted goals-

1-stop making fun of horrific hair during sacrament meeting or else the trays actually get taken from you BEFORE partaking of the sacrament 4-yes, FOUR times I had to fight for my portion... :) (I know the sweet kid didn't mean to rip it out from under me each time, it just really got to the point that my friend and I both said maybe I shouldn't be taking it this week...but the real kicker was that when I relayed the incident to Edgar-who was kind enough to stay home with our sick kids-the first thing he said was, "probably cuz you were making fun of ___'s hair again!" (I didn't even have to tell him that part-he knows me too well) So here's another new leaf getting turned, If I find myself sitting next to/near/behind/pretty much anywhere around or getting distracted by ____'s hair-either relocate to allow my wondering mind to focus or look down. That's all I'm going to say about that.

2-I've been in a weightloss support group :) and I'm not gonna lie, I've gained about 8 pounds since joining...nobody's fault but my own, so now I'm owning up to it and hopefully I won't put my health and weight issues off any longer, especially until NEXT January 1st...which brings me to #3...

3-Seriously? Did anyone die starting a diet on an odd numbered day? Or how bout an even # Monday, Wednesday or Friday which in my mind is an odd day of the week? Or having to gain a pound so that the "official records" of my weightloss expirience show that I was an even number when I started my actual diet? (One might ask, why not lose the pound to make it an even number? That would mean my diet had already started when in reality I was already at an odd number so it couldn't officially start until it was even...and on an even # Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday to boot-which always seems to throw me for a loop....would have to be my logical response, and that is because my OCD is actually killing me. I am admitting it and I know that these are only a few of the very weird problems that I need to find a way to overcome - and please don't even get me started with times! Why else would I be blogging at 11:29PM if it didn't have something to do with both sides of the digital clock being equal...........

4-I need to take the time to appreciate things around me- I'm sorry, but 2010 has sucked somethin' serious so far and I'm not even jsut being dramatic. Whatever happens will happen for a reason and I honestly didn't believe that until recently when I had to swallow some pride and be humbled up a bit.

5-Nobody has better friends than mine-and I bet they don't even know that I appreciate their friendship cuz I've been so hung up on my own crap that I've neglected telling them. My poor husband has put up with too much of my mood swings lately and I couldn't love him more, especially since he's really the main reason I didn't fall completely off the deep end :) But all I can say is I'm glad Edgar and my sweet friends are in tune enough to listen and know that I needed someone to talk to even before I knew what I needed. Which brings me to another issue:

6-grow up! get over whatever it is that is holding me back and keeping me from doing what needs to be done. I don't know how to go into detail about this one without becoming too emotional because it spans over so many areas to me, and I just seriously feel like I'm in a rut! I finally get released from nursury only to find out that I am truly not needed anywhere else in the ward. Not that I'm asking for a huge calling, I'm just saying I'm available and willing to do the calling I am in, just obviously not needed. I can't help but blame myself for our familis luck (I will not elaborate on this one) but I have NO IDEA how to change things and move on so it seems I jsut tread water to keep floating but really I'm just slowly drowning. I know everyone has their trials and mine could be a lot worse so I'm very greatful for my chance to get whatever lesson I'm supposed to get out of this one and move on with life! It doesn't matter how often I pray for understanding, it seems one more hurdle gets put in front of me and I trip. I am the perfect example of "one step forward, two steps back" and I'm hoping that if I reset my life a little I'll be able to make some sense of it all and make progress and in a FORWARD direction.

I am going to assume that if you've read this far into this long post, you are a willing to support me as I attempt to make some changes.....